To Build A Home
by ally-loves-hp-123
Summary: This is a short fanfic (one shot? ) of dan and phil. *not phan* It's based on the first part of the song "to build a home" *little trigger warning (death/suicide) *


**a/n I've listened to this song about 50 times in the last day and decided to write a fanfic about it! I'm not trying to copy anybody's work. I know for a fact there have been other fics with this song, so…i'm not trying to copy, promise! :) **

**This is going to be a story, with many flashbacks, so when it's a flash back, i'll put a ~* before and after it! so you won't get confused! So every time a section is in ~* it's a flashback, and every time it's not. it's not a flashback. lol. **

**~the lyrics are bolded~ **

**ps. i'm trying my best to write using british words, so people will stop bothering me about it! **

**pps. I don't care if the ages in this story is messed up. YES I KNOW PHIL IS OLDER! **

-to build a home-

**There is a house built out of stone**  
**Wooden floors, walls and window sills**  
**Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust**

* * *

~* Phil was sitting at his desk, coloring. His mum knocked lightly on the door.

"Phil love, can I talk to you a minute? I have some exciting news!" Phil's mum spoke through the wooden door. Her voice muffled a bit.

6 year old Phil put down his crayon and got up off his chair. For him to put down his crayons was difficult. He seemed to always be at his desk coloring, or drawing animals. He wasn't exactly the best artist, but in the eyes of a 6 year old, his work was like the Mona Lisa.

His mum came in and smiled down at her blue eyed son.

"What is it mummy!?" Phil asked eagerly, and jumped on his bed so he could be the same height as his mum.

"We have new neighbors. They have just moved in. It's a family, with a mum, a dad, and a little boy your age! His name is Daniel. I'm sure it would make them happy if we went to say hi and welcome them to the neighborhood," His mum stopped talking as Phil nodded his head jumping off the bed, and slipping a pair of shoes on. He grabs his mums hand and nearly drags her out the door.

She smiles at her son and walks out and next store to visit the neighbor. *~

* * *

~* Daniel and Phil were talking out in the backyard of Daniel's house. They were sat in the grass, introducing themselves basically.

"You don't need to call me Daniel, it's just Dan!" The brown haired boy smiled at phil, and phil nodded.

"Okay! Dan..we should be best friends forever" Phil smiled, he didn't really care that he just met the boy. Dan nods his head fast in agreement.

"Yes! We will be best friends forever. no matter what happens! I promise," Dan held his little pinky out in front of him, smiling wide. Phil linked his pinky to Dan's as they sealed the agreement. *~

* * *

~* Being ten years old, meant going on lots of adventures with your best friend.

Phil walked to Dan's house knocking on his door. Excited for what the day had held for him. Dan opened the door, his hair messy and a bag around his shoulders.

"Hey Dan! ready to go on our adventure?" Phil smiled at Dan and he nods, calling into the house to say goodbye to his mother. Dan slammed the door and ran down the path with phil. Making sure they didn't waste a minute of the day.

They ran for awhile, down the path, which lead to a little forest of trees. They walked around that forest until they found an empty patch with only one tree. They climbed that tall tree and opened the door to their tree house which their dads had build them a few months ago.

Dan drops his bag on the table in the tree house, looking at phil.

"Agent amazing, can you hear me?!" Dan asked into his imaginary walky talky. Phil was on the other one of the medium sized tree house, pretending to talk into his imaginary walky talky.

"I can hear you agent fire. What seems to be the problem?" Phil laughs and they continue to play with their imaginary walkly talkys all day. Running around the empty patch, climbing trees, and exploring their secret hideout (their tree house.) Each day was the same. the same knock on the door, the same running down the path to their tree house, the same playing around for hours. To them, it seemed like a different adventure everyday. *~

**This is a place where I don't feel alone**  
**This is a place where I feel at home.**

* * *

~* 24 year old Phil walked to his flat he shared with his best friend, Dan. He was just getting back from the radio show. Dan went home early because he got sick, so Phil had to finish the show by himself.

As the boy made his way to his flat, he unlocked the door, and kicked his shoes off, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey Dan, I'm back!" He called into the silent house. Phil walked to Dan's bedroom and saw Dan laying there, looking a bit dead.

"Hey Phil," Dan mumbled, the blankets up to his chin. Phil goes and sits on the edge of his bed.

"You alright? Do you need anything?" Phil asks his friend, pouting. It's hard to see your one and only best friend miserable. Dan shakes his head.

"Not right now agent amazing. Thanks though," Dan smiles slightly and lays down on his pillow falling asleep. Phil brushed his black fringe out of his face, nodding as he got up and left the room.*~

* * *

~* the joys of being a 16 year old boy.

"Come on Philll, your hair looks fine! It's a cool style! it matches mine now!" Dan said, calling into the bathroom where Phil was. Dan had a fringe and he straightened his hair everyday. Phil just dyed his hair black and parted his hair to a fringe also. After some convincing. Dan was right though, the look did suit phil quite well.

Phil walked out of the bathroom and Dan looked at him, nodding.

"Defiantly going to attract all the ladies," Dan winks at his friend as his friend picks up his stuffed lion and chucks it at Dan's face, which only made Dan laugh even more. *~

**Until it disappeared**  
**from me**  
**from you**  
**And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust**

* * *

~* Dan and Phil were walking back from their jobs at the BBC. It was a good show, very fun like it always is. This weeks fan wars was Ed Sheeran vs. Taylor swift. Ed Sheeran won.

They were walking through the crowded streets. London during the night was always busy.

Dan hadn't been himself lately. He acted like he was happy, during the radio show, and when he filmed his videos. But he was't, Phil, being his best friend, could tell that Dan was miserable.

They made there way home, and Phil went to the couch and watched his favorite show Buffy, while Dan was on the computer. You could tell the look in his eyes, he was doing something he was going to regret later.

Phil paused the tv, after two episodes and turned to Dan.

"Hey Dan? Are you okay…you just sorta seem, miserable" Phil pouts at his friend, knowing something was wrong. Dan nods and without saying anything else, closes his laptop and bursts into tears. Dan never cries. Never.

Phil moved closer to his crying friend and gripped him in a hug.

"shhh, it's going to be fine Dan. I promise, and when I promise, I mean it. What's wrong? You can tell me anything Dan.." Phil continue to hold Dan, as he cried into Phil's shoulder. After what seemed like forever of this, Dan finally sat up, wiping his eyes and he took a deep breath.

"Phil…I don't want to be here anymore. I'm sick of all this Phan shit, and all the "proof" that i'm gay, and all the hate I'm getting on my video if it's not perfect, or I upload it late," Before Dan could finish, Phil pulled him into another hug, this time hugging him tighter.

"shhh, Dan, don't say that. You were placed in this world for a reason. Yea, it's hard right now, but it will get better. I can promise you that Dan. Everything will be okay. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has to deal with stuff. I have had to deal with it, I still am dealing with it, but you just sorta got to think about better things. Think about your favorite movie, or replay that song you love over and over again in your head," Phil let go off his friend.

Dan nodded his head, not saying anything else.

Dan headed off to bed, and Phil stayed in the lounge, finishing up another episode of Buffy and replying to some people on twitter.

Phil then got up and walked to Dan's room to say goodnight. Dan was laying under his covers, his duvet to his chin.

Phil sits on the edge of his bed, looking at him.

"Will you be okay for the night? I could like sleep on the floor in your room if you don't want to be alone" Phil asks the very silent Dan.

"Would you mind staying in here with me? You can just sleep in my bed with me," Dan asked and Phil nodded. It wasn't awkward for them to share a bed, they've been best friend for years. It just doesn't strike them to be awkward. Phil climbs under the duvets laying on his back, starring up at the blank ceiling, as Dan fell asleep, looking at the wall. *~

* * *

~* A week after Dan's breakdown, things were finally going back to normal, in the eyes of Phil, but in the eyes of Dan, things were getting worse.

Phil was out at the store by himself, because Dan didn't feel in the mood to come with him. Which was fine, alone time was good for Phil sometimes. it was just him and his thoughts.

He made his way back home eventually with his bags from tesco. He walked up the many flights of stairs and walked through the front door, placing the bags on the kitchen table, then turning around and going to lock the door. He took his coat and shoes off and called into the silent house.

"Hey Dan! I'm back" Phil said cheerfully. He felt in a pretty good mood, he had LOTS of time to himself and just time to clear his brain.

No answer.

Phil was used to this by now, Dan was probably in his bedroom listening to music or filming. Phil walked to Dan's bedroom and knocked on the door.

no answer.

Okay, now Phil was getting nervous. He opened the door and saw his friend laying against the wall, dying.

Dan held an empty pill bottle, and blood was rushing out of both his arms.

"OH MY GOD!" Phil ran to dan, and held him in his arms. Dan was dying and there was nothing Phil could do.

"shhhh, Dan, it's going to be okay. I'm going to get help. shhh, stay with me," Phil tried to calm his shaking, bloody, dying friend. He grabs his phone out of his pocket and dials 999. He talks to them, they are coming.

"Dan, stay with me! Come on, you can do it," Tears were rolling down Phil's cheeks. He couldn't loose his best friend, that would be like loosing the other half of him. Dan barely managed to say what he did.

"ph-phil. Look in th-the top drawer of my ni-night stand, and the only fi-file on my comp-computer desktop," This only made Phil cry harder. He held his dying friend in his arms.

"Come on Dan, stay with me Dan. Come on! Agent fire can you hear me?" Phil said, his tears blurring his vision.

"I can hear you agent amazing, i'm so sorry," those were the last words of Dan. The last words of Dan howell. The last words of Phil's best friend. *~

* * *

two days after Dan's death, Phil finally left the hospital and went back to his flat. Which seemed more like a prison then a home to him now.

He opened Dan's laptop, looking at the file on his desktop "when I die"

I opened it and there were videos addressed to: mum & dad, pj & chris, adrian, danosaurs, friends.

Phil read the files over, to make sure he wasn't mistaken. Dan didn't leave him a video. I mean, maybe it was under friends, but Phil doubted it. He sighed and uploaded to the "to the danosaurs" video to youtube, without watching it. He only felt it right if they watched it first.

Phil let the video upload and he walked to dan's night stand and opened it, to reveal a letter. He pulled it out and read it.

_"To Phil"_

Phil knew, some where deep down in his heart that Dan could never forget about him. He knew Dan would have left him something.

Shakily Phil opened the letter and braced himself for what it was going to say inside.

_"Dear Phil,_

_If you are reading this, then..I guess i died. _

_I am so sorry. you didn't deserve this, none of it. Loosing your best friend is hard I can imagine, and I know I'm going to miss you when I'm gone. _

_I didn't want to have to do this, but i felt like I had no there choice. The pressure of everything was taking over my brain. I should've come for you for help, I should've told you this, and now…..I realize it's too late. _

_I know, you must be so mad at me for leaving you, but I need you to know, it's not your fault. It's my own fault. I couldn't stay on this planet any longer. _

_Don't you dare kill yourself because I left Phil. Please, if I was still there, I wouldn't want you to die for me. Please, stay strong for me. I know it will be hard, but just think, once it's your time, we will be together again. Just like how it used to be. _

_Until then though, I need to to be the strongest person you can be. The strongest lion in the den. _

_I will miss you so much Phil. I am so sorry it had to end like this,_

_Agent Fire. " _

* * *

_** KAY! D: SORRY FOR THE TEARS I MAY HAVE CAUSED!  
This wasn't meant to be a chapter story, so don't ask for an update please :)  
feedback my lovies?  
**_


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